June 25, 2009
“What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance."-- Jane Austin.
Blistering dog days of summer are here very early this year as we are all quite well aware, and none of us feel very elegant about it either.
Instead, it makes us wonder if we can indeed fry an egg on a sidewalk. I know it is hot, but you might want to forego the temptation to crack an egg on concrete. I'll explain why in a bit, but first, more about our heat wave worries.
Here in the Midwest, we wipe the sweat from our brows at 7 a.m. when the temperature is already sweltering. Condensation covers our windows when we awake in the mornings; we can't see out them.
You know of what I speak.
When we do venture outside, a heavy wetness hangs in the air making it hard to breathe comfortably. Metal railings on outside stairs burn our hands. So do car handles and steering wheels. And the inside temperature of a parked car jumps well over a 100 degrees when it is only 70 outside. After that, the inside temp becomes deadly. I hope we all know that.
And it goes without saying that air conditioners quit during the hottest hours of the day and always during a scorching heat streak. Somewhere all this must be written.
But what are we to do about this unhappy weather and all that goes with it? Does it come with instructions?
Complaining about the heat is sort of fun actually, and telling bad weather jokes works for awhile.
Such as, the weather is so hot you can get a sunburn through your car window?
It is so hot that I just saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.
The weather is so hot that soup cans now have cooking directions that say, "Just pour and eat."
Or, I suppose, yes, one could amuse oneself by trying to fry an egg on the sidewalk.
Most folks did that as kids, remember? And it only resulted in a slimy egg-white mess that never really congealed. I think we eventually learned in middle school science class that sidewalks are not good conductors of heat anyway since eggs require a temperature of 158 degrees Fahrenheit to become firm.
Personally, I think all we can do to survive this miserable choking weather is to follow heat advisories for safety, continue to tell bad weather jokes for some levity, and probably skip the sidewalk egg-frying experiment unless you particularly want to draw ants.
An old proverb advises us to simply adapt: "Whether the weather be fine, whether the weather be not, whether the weather be cold, whether the weather be hot; we'll weather the weather, whatever the whether, whether we like it or not."
I think I'll just go outside and make some Sun Tea, beats frying an egg any old day.
